Realizations

Lord, I have some realizations.

Thank You for making these things happen. They are like eye-openers to my blinded perspective.

I have a family, my immediate ones and relatives but I feel like in this hour that I need them most, they are all gone or they just don't care. Am I too egocentric? Do I think that the world revolves around me thinking that those people I call my family will dote on me from time to time?

I don't know. Maybe these are just some pesky pregnancy jitters called emotional hypersensitivity. I used to take these things for granted and just took them in stride. But now, I feel like crying every minute thinking and feeling that they just don't give a damn. (Sorry Lord for the word.)

I feel neglected. It feels like other people have more concern on my well-being than those who I call my blood relations. I feel sad about this Lord. I want to shout at them and tell them "To hell with you!!!"

I am sorry Father. I just feel neglected even by my own father. My mother, she cares but she has been so insensitive. I sometimes have this feeling that she did not become pregnant at all. She didn't feel and experience what I am going through now? I don't know. Women are different right? Or probably that was her defense mechanism.

Lord, just guide me. Help me with this ordeal. I know these things will soon come to pass. Soon. Very soon.

You are just giving me time to grow and to expand my limited and somehow stunted horizon. I think I need to grow more. I need some growth. Even if it means pulling me out of my very comfort zone.

Thank You Lord. I guess these realizations are all just part of my "growing up."

BEE

Wanting To Be Seen

The man who does what is right comes to the Light. What he does will be seen because he has done what God wanted him to do. John 3:21 NLV

Dear Lord,

You know that I was angry with You these past few days though I did not want to admit it and I could not admit it. I was in the state of rebellion because I thought, I was thinking that You were already taking my family for granted. 

As much as we wanted to go to church and have fellowship with the people there, we just could not feel that we were accepted in their circles. Lord, churches nowadays are becoming like a big social gathering already, like a function trying to get into the pages of some socialite magazines. Unfortunately, we just could not fit in.

Yet Lord, when my husband told me about his dream, I was touched. I felt guilty. If that were You giving him that message then I need to follow what my husband wants to happen. Thank You Lord for giving the message to my husband. Thank You for speaking through him. 

Lord, You should be the reason always for us to go to church, give our tithes and offerings and listen to the preaching. Having fellowship there, gaining true Christian friends there would just be bonuses.

Lord, everything comes from You. True Christian friends will come from You. Only we need to trust You more. Trust You that You are moving in our lives. That You are in control and that You just know everything.

Lord, help me to become more trusting to You. Forgive me for my rebellion, for hating You. I know You understand me well. 

Thank You also for my very kind and loving husband. Thank You for he is also a believer that You could speak through him just when we needed You most.

Thank You Lord. Thank You also for our baby. Please take good care of our little angel. Help us Lord to keep him or her. I love my little sweetheart. I am claiming Lord a normal and inexpensive delivery for my baby angel.

Lord, thank You for Your message. It's not what we think is right to do. It is what You say that we have to do. That is all that matters regardless of. 

Just help me Lord. I am only human. I have my shortcomings and my temperaments. Just help me. Help us, my husband and I.

Thank You Lord. Amen.

“Because of the suffering of the weak, and because of the cries of the poor, I will now rise up,” says the Lord. “I will keep him safe as he has wanted to be.” Psalms 12:5 NLV

 The words of the Lord are pure words. They are like silver that has been made pure seven times in a stove of earth. Psalms 12:6 NLV


Dear Lord,

Lord, You know fully well our concern. Lord, You gave us our child, our sweet, little child and this gift means a lot to us. Lord, You know our needs, You know our financial problems Lord. The hospital bills, the doctors, everything. I could not even sleep on the wee hours of the morning because of our concern. 

Lord, You are the only One who we can run to. We don't know who to turn to. Please help us. Give us wisdom Father. What do we do? What do we do in times like this? I don't want to risk the my life and the life of my little child. Lord, please help us. Please help my husband, please help me provide for our baby's birth and everything. I know You love this little angel more than we can love him or her. Please help us Father. Please help us with our little baby.Please provide for my delivery Lord. We are totally dependent on You now. Thank You so much Father. I will claim Your promises given on the preceding verses. That You will rise up for us and You will keep us safe. That Your words are pure and so trustworthy we can depend our lives on it.

Lord, help us to be more faithful and strong as we go through this journey of our life as a family. Thank You Father God. Amen.

BEE

Thinking About My Ways

“You look for much, but it turns out to be little. When you bring it home, I blow it away. Why?” says the Lord of All. “Because My house lies waste, while each of you takes care of his own house." Haggai 1:9 NLV

Lord, these words struck me a lot. I thought what I have been doing, what I have decided were the best things to do. They turned out they never were.

I thought that by transferring to a closer church, things would be better and it would be more practical for us. Yet, here we are empty and working on our ways.

Yes, You are right. We have been giving our tithes and offerings but it seems like nothing is happening even if we do it. Because ours is partial obedience.

Lord, I give up. I will go back. We will go back there, together as husband and wife. My husband was happy there though he just did not voice it out to me for the fear that we might fight again. I am sorry Lord if I have been making my husband feel that way.

This is what You said:

"And be strong, all you people of the land,’ says the Lord. ‘Do the work, for I am with you,’ says the Lord of All." Haggai 2:4 NLV

Lord, You know our financial capacity. You know how we lack money sometimes to make both ends meet. But this is what You said. We do the work as we trust You. Help us to trust You and let not our own ways reign.

Lord, help me. Help us. You will provide for us, I know. Lord, just do the miracles. We need it Father. We badly need it Lord.

Lord, I am also going to transfer to another school. To public school. Next school year. Lord, help me to decide if it is the right thing to do. I honestly feel discontentment in the place where I am now. I don't grow anymore. It feels like I am just inside a circle albeit it is getting bigger, still the same. Help me Lord. I am tired of pleasing the parents, of pleasing my superiors, I am tired of those things. I just want to experience new things. Maybe this is really the time for me to get out of my comfort zone.

Just help us Lord. Help me to work in Your house. I want to join a ministry Father. The singing group or in the children'd department. But where will I be more become effective? My voice. This has been put into waste for how many years already. I need to open my voice for You again Lord. I need You Father to help me with this. 

Thank You Lord. Thank You Father. May Your will be done. May my spirit, our spirit, my and my husband's be renewed. Thank You Lord. Amen.

Unhappy

Dear Lord,

I am not feeling well now. I must admit that I am unhappy already. I don't enjoy my work life anymore the way I used to. I am not happy anymore. Really, I am not.

I must admit that I am not enjoying the company of my colleagues anymore. It is like I don 't like the people around me anymore. I know this is wrong but I can''t help it. Maybe, it is also because I am not growing there anymore.

I feel like a star losing its shine until it goes into oblivion. I feel that way and I am just so sorry about it.

I must admit I am not noticed anymore. It seems like all my efforts have been futile. Life is not what it used to be anymore. I am not enjoying it Lord. I get irritated with those people around me already.

What do I do? Do I just grow there to become indifferent? Good thing I still have Ynnah there but we don't get to spend time together the way we used to. I guess, Lord it is really time for me to leave.

Five years are five years. Yet, there will always come a time that I have to choose another path where You will guide me. Lord, is it really Your will for me to go to public school? Father, I don't want to stay there another year anymore. Please give me the chance to go to public school next year. I want to experience a bigger world.

I will never be sure about the people I will be working with soon but may they become good to me and be patient with me. May I develop good and lasting friendship there and may I grow there to become a better individual. I will choose to do good and to do my best now to leave a fine memory there. I have loved SSI somehow, it has become a significant part of my life as a teacher and as a person but then there's always time to simply go and move on.

Lord, just help me bear with the remaining months. I still have a long way. Eight months more. Just help me. Thank You, Father God. Amen.

July 20, 2013

Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all He has done. Phil. 4:6 NLT

Dear Lord,

I am having some thought now. Forgive me if I had been so embittered and had been encouraging some people to follow my plans. I feel so tired and jaded in my workplace I really want to go out now.

I know what I had been doing is wrong, please forgive me. Yet Lord, You know what I am going through right now, the things that are happening and sadly they become worse to worst as days pass by.

I am not sure. Maybe I am just so used to the things that I used to do that's why I feel this way.

Father, I believe that I can still choose to be happy despite the situation. It is just that people and things can be so utterly disheartening at times. I am sad. Really sad.

Father, I still hold on to the promises that You have for us. I know You have Your plans and Your purpose. Help me see them. Help me to have a revived and refreshed spirit again.

I am praying Lord if it is Your will to transfer to public school, then so be it. Anyway, maybe Lord it is already time for me to move on and grow in a different way. I need to move on and face another chapter of my life.

I still have days to come. Sustain me Lord. Sustain me Father. I pray to You. I pray to You. Grant me peace Lord God. Thank You very much Lord. Amen.

BEE

June 15, 2013

David and the army commanders then appointed men from the families of Asaph, Heman, and Jeduthun to proclaim God’s messages to the accompaniment of lyres, harps, and cymbals. Here is a list of their names and their work...1 Chronicles 25:1 NLT

Work appointment. These men were appointed and were given work to give praises and glorify God. Lord are You reminding me that I am indeed forgetting the very essence of my job which is to glorify You? 

Forgive me. Forgive me for because of the desire to earn more, I have wanted to bite too much work that in reality is more than I can chew. All because I have wanted to earn lots of money. I am forgetting that You will be the One who will bless me, bless us and that You hold our lives in Your hands.

Forgive me Lord. I know that there is a reason for that. Maybe You want me to rest and also mind my family life and my relationship with my husband. You want me to prioritize things and just do the tasks that are given me right now.

Lord, You know so well our concerns, the things that bother us. Just help us Father. Help us. We could never do it on our own. I need You, my husband and I needs You. Thank You Father God. 

Yes, I will do my work. I will do my job. In the best way I can do. I will not focus on my salary but on what You can do to our lives. Thank You Lord. Thank You for this reminder. Amen.

P.S.

Thank You very much Father for answering my questions. Thank You. Amen.