Realizations

Lord, I have some realizations.

Thank You for making these things happen. They are like eye-openers to my blinded perspective.

I have a family, my immediate ones and relatives but I feel like in this hour that I need them most, they are all gone or they just don't care. Am I too egocentric? Do I think that the world revolves around me thinking that those people I call my family will dote on me from time to time?

I don't know. Maybe these are just some pesky pregnancy jitters called emotional hypersensitivity. I used to take these things for granted and just took them in stride. But now, I feel like crying every minute thinking and feeling that they just don't give a damn. (Sorry Lord for the word.)

I feel neglected. It feels like other people have more concern on my well-being than those who I call my blood relations. I feel sad about this Lord. I want to shout at them and tell them "To hell with you!!!"

I am sorry Father. I just feel neglected even by my own father. My mother, she cares but she has been so insensitive. I sometimes have this feeling that she did not become pregnant at all. She didn't feel and experience what I am going through now? I don't know. Women are different right? Or probably that was her defense mechanism.

Lord, just guide me. Help me with this ordeal. I know these things will soon come to pass. Soon. Very soon.

You are just giving me time to grow and to expand my limited and somehow stunted horizon. I think I need to grow more. I need some growth. Even if it means pulling me out of my very comfort zone.

Thank You Lord. I guess these realizations are all just part of my "growing up."

BEE

Wanting To Be Seen

The man who does what is right comes to the Light. What he does will be seen because he has done what God wanted him to do. John 3:21 NLV

Dear Lord,

You know that I was angry with You these past few days though I did not want to admit it and I could not admit it. I was in the state of rebellion because I thought, I was thinking that You were already taking my family for granted. 

As much as we wanted to go to church and have fellowship with the people there, we just could not feel that we were accepted in their circles. Lord, churches nowadays are becoming like a big social gathering already, like a function trying to get into the pages of some socialite magazines. Unfortunately, we just could not fit in.

Yet Lord, when my husband told me about his dream, I was touched. I felt guilty. If that were You giving him that message then I need to follow what my husband wants to happen. Thank You Lord for giving the message to my husband. Thank You for speaking through him. 

Lord, You should be the reason always for us to go to church, give our tithes and offerings and listen to the preaching. Having fellowship there, gaining true Christian friends there would just be bonuses.

Lord, everything comes from You. True Christian friends will come from You. Only we need to trust You more. Trust You that You are moving in our lives. That You are in control and that You just know everything.

Lord, help me to become more trusting to You. Forgive me for my rebellion, for hating You. I know You understand me well. 

Thank You also for my very kind and loving husband. Thank You for he is also a believer that You could speak through him just when we needed You most.

Thank You Lord. Thank You also for our baby. Please take good care of our little angel. Help us Lord to keep him or her. I love my little sweetheart. I am claiming Lord a normal and inexpensive delivery for my baby angel.

Lord, thank You for Your message. It's not what we think is right to do. It is what You say that we have to do. That is all that matters regardless of. 

Just help me Lord. I am only human. I have my shortcomings and my temperaments. Just help me. Help us, my husband and I.

Thank You Lord. Amen.