Realizations

Lord, I have some realizations.

Thank You for making these things happen. They are like eye-openers to my blinded perspective.

I have a family, my immediate ones and relatives but I feel like in this hour that I need them most, they are all gone or they just don't care. Am I too egocentric? Do I think that the world revolves around me thinking that those people I call my family will dote on me from time to time?

I don't know. Maybe these are just some pesky pregnancy jitters called emotional hypersensitivity. I used to take these things for granted and just took them in stride. But now, I feel like crying every minute thinking and feeling that they just don't give a damn. (Sorry Lord for the word.)

I feel neglected. It feels like other people have more concern on my well-being than those who I call my blood relations. I feel sad about this Lord. I want to shout at them and tell them "To hell with you!!!"

I am sorry Father. I just feel neglected even by my own father. My mother, she cares but she has been so insensitive. I sometimes have this feeling that she did not become pregnant at all. She didn't feel and experience what I am going through now? I don't know. Women are different right? Or probably that was her defense mechanism.

Lord, just guide me. Help me with this ordeal. I know these things will soon come to pass. Soon. Very soon.

You are just giving me time to grow and to expand my limited and somehow stunted horizon. I think I need to grow more. I need some growth. Even if it means pulling me out of my very comfort zone.

Thank You Lord. I guess these realizations are all just part of my "growing up."

BEE